Blog Radio Play

Cast of Characters:

Ellis Tripp - a down on his luck private dick.

Athena B. the client and whiny love interest.

Lenore - A mysterious foreign service agent.

Dr. Tamagotchi - the man you love to hate.

Trixie, the stereotypical private detective receptionist.

Late Night Willie - a gravelly voiced gangster.


****************

(Thunderclap and rain sounds)

(voiceover of Tripp)

The rain lashed down like a sadistic mistress with time on her hands and a cat of nine tails. It's an unsettling metaphor, but it was true. The weather had no friends. I'd just finished one of those meals like you see on the animal channel. A big snake like a python or something will happily consume a rat and take the rest of the week to digest it. Just like me. I had strange company over dinner and didn't know what to think. I was happy. but uncomfortable. The stinging rain brought me to my senses and I knew I had to find out more about Athena B.

Athena was one of those high maintenance bitches who never stopped whining about her therapist or the pilates teacher. No matter how well she was doing, the glass was always half empty, and the complaining never stopped. Her annoying nasal whine was getting on my nerves. I might have dismissed her after making a valient attempt at getting into her pants, but she waved a substantial amount of cash under my nose. My demeanor changed immediately. I was all ears.

(Another thunderclap... fade to the sound of cutlery and soft music as you might find at a ritzy restaurant, background chatter)

A: Ellis, ya gotta believe me. Those guys can't be trusted. They're gonna kill me.

ET: That's an awful lot of cash to be waving around. How do you know your life is in danger? I've been tailing the crew for weeks now, and i haven't seen anything that convinces me.

A: You want convincing? Get your lazy beer filled ass out of that chair and drive me down to the port. I wanna introduce you to Late Night Willie. He'll set the record straight.

(voice-over)

I'd heard of Willie before. And what I had heard wasn't encouraging. Willie's reputation made Uday Hussein sound like a boy scout. If Willie wasn't on your side, you'd better sleep with one eye open. Keep a hungry pit-bull by your side. He definitely didn't contribute to the local sick children's hospital.Despite my trepidation, I wanted to get to the bottom of the mystery at hand. Why was Athena B. afraid for her life and what was she doing mixed up with Late Night Willie and the rest of his unsavoury gang of misanthropes and malcontents.

(Sound of ships bell and foghorn)
(Car pulls up and doors open and close)

(voice over)

We pulled onto the dock and parked the car. As we approached the gantry, we met a surly bastard with an attitute and a handlebar moustache that wouldn't quit. I made him an offer he couldn't refuse, and promptly slugged him. There's only one way to deal with this kind of guy. Knock him out cold first and ask for permission to come aboard later.

(Insert sounds of scuffle and the smack of fist on jaw. Body falling)

(sound of shoes on metal deck of ship, creaking doors)

(voice over)

This place stunk like a locker room after the home team took a savage beating. Feral cat urine and mould. Spilt beer and damp cigarette butts. Just the kind of romantic after dinner scene I wanted to take in with Athena.

ET: "OK Ms B., where to now? "

A: Down this hallway Ellis.

(footfalls and knock on metal door)

(voice over)

The prospect of getting face to face with Late Night Willie didn't exactly thrill me, especially after I had just "negotiated" with his security. Athena had dug a big hole for herself, and here I was face to face with the likely cause of all her trouble.

A: Willie, this is Ellis..

(Willie cuts her off)

LNW: Tripp, yeah I know who he is. What did you drag his sorry underfunded ass down here for? It sure aint the ambiance of dis place.

A: Willie, I'm in a pickle, and I've hired Ellis here to find out who is responsible. I've been followed by shadowy figures all week, and all I can think of is that strange man from the Consulate.

LNW: Hrm, Don't worry about him. He'll be taking a little nap under 6 feet of dirt if he isn't careful crossing the street.

A: What? You can't be serious Willie? You're going to become a crossing guard?

LNW: Not exactly Miss B., What can I tell ya Tripp?

ET: So what's got the Foreign Agents involved here Willie? And how is Athena connected?

LNW: Let's just say I got some unfinished business with dose guys from the old sod. They don't take kindly to the idea of me treatin' a fine young woman like Miss B. to a double double and a chocolate croissant.

(voice over)

Here I was with good solid evidence. Athena enjoyed coffee with unsavoury people, and Willie didn't have a knack for making friends, especially with mysterious foreigners. I had a feeling I wouldn't mind a double of something besides coffee to help me figure this thing out.

(sound drops out. set scene to Ellis office. you hear the flimsy glass door open and close as Ellis walks in)

T: Ellis, where ya been? How am I supposed to run this office with no money and the bills pilin' up? I got a baby at home to look after. The ISP called, and the utility department didn't send you a Christmas card in this envelope.

ET: What can I tell you Trixie, your baby is just a chihuahua and I'm working on a case. I've been hired by Athena B., and she's associated somehow with Late Night Willie. Neither of them is exactly forthcoming with anything that resembles details, and it's taking a lot of dough and effort to figure out who would want to let the air out of Athena B.'s tires if you know what I'm saying.

(Ellis ignores Trixie and wanders into his office and closes the door. Clink of bottle and glass as Ellis sits down)

(Ellis has a drink while othercat figures out what to write next..... Probably something to do with Lenore and the evil Dr. Tamagotchi.)