Where's the Pied Piper When You Need Him?

The original Pied Piper story dealt with a gifted musician who helped rid a town of rats by lulling the vermin to their death with his flute. A new breed of rat seems to be causing all sorts of nuisance, and I could use some of this magic. Let me explain.

I got a message dumped directly into my cell phone voice mail this morning by a local moving company. My phone didn't ring. It just chirped at me to tell me I had a new message. I have been underground a few times today, so I figured I had just missed a call from somebody. I retrieved the message. Rather than getting a message from someone I should hear from, like a customer or a friend, I listened to some guy making a sales pitch for his moving company. He left his number and his web site URL so I could follow up.

After calling the number to express my displeasure and tell them to remove my number from their system, I started looking around. I found that even though this practice appears to be intrusive, the CRTC (the Canadian Radio and Telecommunications Commission for those of you who don't live in Canada) doesn't give much of a damn about it. Bell Canada tried to cut off the phone lines of a particular company that was doing this kind of advertising. The CRTC stepped in and ruled that the practice was not abusive. The company had every right to do it. The CRTC ruled that these types of calls don't constitute abuse according to their criteria. Meddlesome behaviour continues because of a technicality. It's an exercise in splitting hairs.

They never asked me. I feel abused.

How did some weenie at the CRTC determine that subversive telemarketing techniques aren't a nuisance? They figured that because the phone doesn't actually ring, the call isn't intrusive. I can't be the only person who has a cell phone that makes some sort of noise when a message is waiting. It seems quite commonplace. The damn thing still interrupts, and I don't know about you, but I retrieve my messages as soon as I know one is waiting.

We are getting hit on all sides by all sorts of advertising. I'm afraid to pick up my phone or turn on the radio and television because I'd rather not be subject to this. I can't open my email client without having to watch the spam filter divert messages. Advertisers have run out of options to the point where they'll try almost anything to get their message across. They may be obeying the letter of the law, but the spirit of the law has been taken out back and had the crap beat out of it.

The CRTC has a duty to protect Canadians from telecom abuse, and they have consistently dragged their heels on any sort of initiative that will give some relief. They have looked into stopping this and shrugged their shoulders. They have had discussions on a Do Not Call List similar to the system in place in the USA. They have rebuffed the largest phone companies in the land who have tried to protect their customers. The CRTC has resorted to blather about freedom of speech and technical interpretations of existing regulations.

Unlike the original Pied Piper, I wouldn't want to have these abusive advertisers killed. I just want them to go away and leave me alone. Is that too much to ask?